I got chris browned last night
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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