omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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