I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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