I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you will always have a special place in my vag
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
