I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
