a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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