Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
