Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
