when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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