I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
