It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
