he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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