Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
