i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize