between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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