Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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