I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
