My hand turned me down
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize