I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
