I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize