Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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