For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
