Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
