I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
