she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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