sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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