Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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