I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
