It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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