Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
