I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I wear drunk well.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
