i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How does it feel to date your dad?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
