Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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