Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
