my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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