I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
