I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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