People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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