What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
