Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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