It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
