Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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