the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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