I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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