I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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