Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize