i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
