Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize