I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
