Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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