well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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