**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
