i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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