This is not my ceiling
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
