So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
MIDGETS
????
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
