i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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