Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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