What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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