Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
