Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
