Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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