I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
