For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
