He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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