well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
