you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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