If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's never too late to be topless.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
