Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
