Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
