We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
