I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
