There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
