Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
