I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
