I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
