One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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