Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
