She said her name was "party"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize