I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
