he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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