Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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