Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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