u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
