I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
