I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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