Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
NoShamevember. You game?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
