Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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