Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
