he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
