i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
