Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
