I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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