He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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