Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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