Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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