I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
